A Summer Of Commitment

"Woke up today and decided to kill my ego,
It ain't ever done me no good no how.
Gonna break through and blast off to the Bardo,
In them flowers of light far away from the here and now." 

- Sturgill Simpson

Sometimes, you just have to be honest with yourself and admit that you've been coasting. That you've grown complacent. That you've stopped challenging yourself. What a waste. But the essence of life is that you can change such circumstances at any time and be reborn. Thus, I'm giving birth to the summer of enlightenment. Of commitment. Of dedication. Of personal growth. I could use the aging.

Read. Write. Create. Experiment. Explore. Learn.

The In Between

In fading nighttime hours

when shadows dance like bees drunk on flower sugar,

when heat sways like boys new to love,

when wind caresses like lips full on

until stillness teases pure promise,

I pace delirious for your presence.

I bind myself aggressively to anticipation.

I scream silent expectations.

I commit you entirely to my space.

I attack with desire unceasing,

unbridled,

unrestrained.

Your breath is my prey.

Your curves are my trails.

Your mouth is my purpose.

Your pleasure is my reason.

Gladly, I’ll end time here.

Content.

Complete.

Confirmed. 

- BAF

Complacency

Complacency, you deceptive beast,  

you phony, dead friend,  

you fog,  

you cloud,  

you familiar face in the crowd, 

I need you to leave now. 

It's time to go.  

Make way. 

Be gone. 

Forget we ever met.  

Too many days gone dead,  

too many minutes faded black,  

too many times the same road tread.  

Pack your bags.  

Hit the bricks.  

Piss off.  

Bust a move.  

Leave the past in the past.  

Leave well enough alone. 

Find another to rob, 

find somewhere else to make home.  

You stole my chances,  

swallowed them whole, 

sapped me thin, 

left me old,  

punched me drunk, 

kicked me low,  

buried me deep,  

turned me slow.  

Complacency, you clever shit,  

you shadow of haze,  

you veil,   

you liar, 

you manipulating fuck,  

I’m through with you.  

You're dead to me.  

May we never meet again.  

Deep Gut Revelation

Deep gut revelation,

don’t abandon me now.

Tell the truth:

Am I able?

Am I worthy?

Am I justified to know how?

Sing it.

Bring it.

Look me in the eye.

Deep gut revelation,

don’t leave me dry.

Spill the beans:

Am I fit?

Am I apt?

Am I to be trusted to know why? 

Deal it. 

Feel it. 

Say it like it is.  

Fall

You, Fall,

I find disturbingly persistent

in pushing my summer daze down the road,

in sticking your nose in my heated business,

stepping on my tan toes,

dirtying my crystal water with filthy leaves.

Do me a favor, Impeder,

sit down, drink your coffee, and wait your turn.

You represent nothing but change,

and I’m not interested.

BAF

All Over Again

If I had everything to do all over again, I'd never compromise on my wants and wishes. I'd never give up. I'd never turn away. I'd never acquiesce. Instead, I'd bulldoze. I'd plow. I'd break down every door. I'd demolish walls. I'd walk in the wake of my destruction, and I'd never bat an eye. I'd face down aggressors. I'd attack first. I'd always react. I'd speak loud and bold. I'd use common sense but couple it with confidence plentiful. I'd never bend over. Never fail to strike back. I'd never diminish myself. Never leave words unsaid. I'd never let bullies have a free pass. I'd do more than frown. I'd do more mumble. I'd do more than pass judgement quietly. I'd call out instigators. I'd call out bluffers. I'd call out liars. I'd take back what was stolen. I'd fight the good fight every second of every minute of every day. And I'd do it willingly and gladly. I call bullshit when it needed called. I'd strip away facades. I'd read between the lines. I'd not dignify stupidity. I'd not acknowledge morons. I'd never accept half-assed truths. I'd do all this from the start. From the very minute of existence. I'd do all this with vigor and gusto. I'd do all this with passion. I'd never accept less than what I'm worth. I'm only sorry it took me this long to realize being agreeable too often is a menace, burden, plague. I need proof. I need substance. I need integrity. If I had it all over to do again, I'd never be fucked with once and let it go unanswered. Never.  

Space

Space,

I hate you for interfering,

leering,

jeering,

rebranding,

expanding,

dividing,

grinding,

erasing,

replacing,

fading reminders,

entrenching binders,

shifting directions,

clouding connections,

choking intentions,

strangling reflections until you conquer.  

I hate you.