Weeks into the Season of Lent and I feel I've contemplated nothing at all concerning Jesus' journey, or my own journey, for that matter. I feel I've abandoned that duty to myself, to my family, friends, community, and to Jesus. Especially in recent years, I feel like I've made good on putting my thoughts to good use. Toward matching them to the moment of time at hand. I feel like I've used the moments of reflection to make wiser choices. To take better-prepared steps forward. To break free of regrets and mistakes. To strengthen myself from the inside and out. But this year I feel lost. I feel I've strayed way off the path. Almost to the point I can't see it any longer, and I'm not sure in which direction I should be looking for it. Still, I know I have to find it again if I want to continue to open my eyes. To continue to see. To continue to believe in something more than day to day or detail to detail. If I don't find it, I'm just going to stray and float and float and stray until there really is no purpose to serve other than satisfying my ego, and I'm not interested in that.
When I look around these days, the view doesn't seem nearly as dark or forebodding as it has in the past. It seems stranger now than ever before, but strange is good. Strange is learning. The view also seems familiar, as if I've been here before, if only for briefly. I have this sense that although I don't fully recoginize everything that's surrounding me these days, I like what is there. And I like the notion that I can explore it deeper to find further meaning. I know exploration is what the path represents. Learning is the path. Knowledge is the path. Belief is the path. I know there are many destinations to which the path could take me, and I know that any of the destinations would probably be the right one for me. But what about everyone else I'm connected to? Does the path hold something for them, as well? I have to figure out how to get to where I'm going and keep what I can while shedding what I must. That's the difficult question: What must stay and what must go?
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